Cleaning out High School Notes

"Ah the grades used to be so much higher..."
"Wow, I knew a lot more French vocab back in the days..."
"So that's when I first started writing out chemical nomenclature!"

*Finds notes from Careers class*
"This is the rambling of an idealistic teenager who thought life was going to be easy and that she'd have it all figured out by University... I have failed you me-from-the-past."

Since high school I've noted quite a few changes in both my academics  my modes of written communication, and my overall world-view. I'd like to say that I feel as though I am now more mature in all three sectors, but there is still definitely a kid in me still... well more of a teenager.

So it goes without saying that my academics have fallen short of my previous copious 100% on math tests in high school. A sad reality but understandable considering the presence of people who are infinitely better than me at complex equations. Hats off to them, we need more logical math in the world, besides, I have the world of science to keep me occupied.

Seeing some of the first tests where we had to use chemical nomenclature really brought back memories. Looking back the tests now I keep thinking, "haha, that's so easy I could do it in my sleep!" (I actually did do this at some point... dreams where I gave myself chemistry problems to do...) So this all really goes to show that everything is difficult when you're learning it for the first time... no I lied, I got 100% back then too. So science does seem to get progressively harder as we learn more and get into deeper discussions. Sometimes I wonder if that's what I'm looking for in life.

I used to be a lot more simple minded in my planning of life and just assumed everything I was doing would lead somewhere eventually. It's hard for me to talk about my naivety back in the days without mentioning how horrible my History essays were- and I mention History essays because that was the one class in which I had no idea how to write. In English class you use a mixture of poetry and prose, in Science class you use the scientific discourse, and in Math class you use numbers and symbols. To me, History was none of these things. So I stayed vague and unsure- a mode of communication frighteningly similar to the language I used in the reports I wrote for my Careers class. Yes we had a Careers class- they thought it would help us.

I made so many mentions to "working hard" and "talking to professors"... somewhere along first year I lost that mentality. And I think my vague and unsure language from back in the days when I was first thinking about my future really shows how vague and unsure I am of what I want in the future. I know generally the kind of lifestyle I want, but I have no specifics about getting there. And while many people tell me it's ok and I'll figure it out eventually, at this point in life I'm starting to worry.

My high school self seemed to believe that I'd have everything figured out in University. Sorry to have failed, me.